Now for something completely different. We've been taking care of my mom and father-in-law for a while. We had both of them in our home until we could no longer support their needs. For my father-in-law, the catastrophic event that resulted in moving him to a care facility was a stroke. He went from walking the dogs with us on a Sunday to having a stroke Monday night/Tuesday morning. Allison called me at work because she was unable to pick him up off the floor.
So began a week of intensive care. We picked him up, changed him, bathed him, fed him, transferred him in a wheelchair, and generally took care of him. As we were doing that work, it occurred to me that we were doing the same things taking care of him that we did when our kids were infants. The infants and the stricken require the same thing - basic care and lots of love.
We were putting him to bed one evening and needed to slide him towards the head of the bed so he had enough space to lie down. We could tell he was agitated and nervous. He kept holding his head up instead of relaxing into the pillow. I supported his head and rubbed his forehead and told him, "It's OK, you can relax, we've got you."
Now, historically, Warren isn't a super emotional guy. He's more the quiet jokster type. Anyway, once we got him to relax, I said, "OK Warren, you can relax and rest and go to sleep. I love you." Expecting no response, he shook me by turning his head, looking deep into my soul, and saying, "I love you too."
At that moment everything just snapped into focus. The only thing that matters at the end of life is the same thing that matters at the beginning of life - love. That's all there is. And I'd argue that it's the only thing that matters throughout our lives. It's just that we're human, and we get distracted by ego and desire and ambition and whimsy and passion and rage and all of the wonderful things that make us human.
I think we'd do well to keep love a little more front and center throughout. I think we'd all be in a better place.
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